Clash: fanfiction and reality don’t mix
by adayinmymeadow
Summary: poor awkward Stephanie was fine daydreaming and writing fanfiction about the leader in her community. Not to mention she somehow found ways to embarrass herself in front of Negan. However a bully from her past causes cause her to become face to face with the man of her dreams.


Negan… His name sounded like sex. He was all I could think about these days. He was the best thing to happen to me. His dimpled smile, his strong arms… Did I mention he was the reason we were alive? He was so handsome. I watched him across the cafeteria, he was making his rounds. Simon and Dwight were at his heels. I sighed dreamingly. The way his jacket made him look oh so ever badass, or how cool he looked swinging around Lucille: it was just enough to send a girl through an orgasm. If only he knew you existed girl. My conscious reminded me (who suspiciously sounded like my thirteen year old self). But I didn't care as long as I caught a glimpse of him every now and then was fine. Beside me I heard my friend Gina snicker.

"Girl, you better shut that mouth before you drool all over my mash potatoes." Gina warned me playfully. I looked down at the food in front of me reminding myself I was at work, I need the points to get a typewriter I had seen at the "market" ( honestly that's what I called it.)

"He just so…" I started and I was lost in one of my daydreams.

"Damn you must be thinking of something fucking amazing with that look on your face." A voice pulled me from my daydream. Negan stared down at me with a grin, his dimples looking so mouthwatering. He was talking to me. "Now I wanna fucking know what are you thinking about?" oh shit! He was talking to me! I noticed he was in line with the other saviors. Simon was on his right and Dwight at his left all three stared at me. What was he doing here! Most of the time we had to bring his lunch to his room! I froze up clutching the serving spoon to my chest. Don't just stand there you idiot! My conscious screamed at me. Do something!!! I took a step back, quickly ducking behind Gina, making sure I didn't hit her pregnant belly. Nooooo! You idiot! You're embarrassing us!

"Stephanie, Negan's waiting for his lunch." Gina informed me. I glared at her. She was always trying to get me to interact with Negan. Face burning I peeked out from behind her and slowly used the serving spoon to push Negan's lunch on his tray. I stared up at him a few more seconds before mumbling a thank you. Embarrassed I hid behind Gina one more time. "I'm sorry sir, she shy." Gina explained in a cheerful manner.

"Aww, look at that, Little Stephie is all shy." I heard Simon tease.

"I think it's cute." Negan's rumbly sex god voice made way to my ears. Simon laughed then silence. Apart of me was ecstatic that Negan called me cute the other part of me not so much. Why are we so awkward? The voice moaned in horror. I moved from behind Gina to lean against the metal doors of the food warmer. Sadly my conscious was right. This wasn't the first time I had humiliated myself in front of Negan. There had been countless times. But there were three moments that were high on my list that I would like to erase from mind. And they go as followed:

The first time was a year ago. I was brought to the sanctuary with Gina and a few others. I wanted to thank Negan and as I made my way up to him. The person I was with tripped me. I face planted at his feet. I was so embarrassed I ran away only to crash in to a savior behind me and sent him flying into one of Negan's trucks. Thank the stars it was parked.

The second time was when I was delivering a party tray to Negan's wives. I didn't expect him to be there, half naked! So I panicked placed the tray on a counter and turn to leave only to crash into the closed door!

The third time was not so long ago, it was the worst one yet. It had been Negan's birthday. I had used my points to buy a canister of baseball bat cleaner and some new barbwire. Not to mention I hand sewn a red scarf for him, and embroidered silver barb wire at the ends of the scarf. I wrapped the gift all pretty and went to find him. When I finally built the courage to give him the gift… I tripped over my shoelaces, the gift went flying from my arms and smacked Negan in the face. I managed to cut my eyebrow during my fall, I thanked the stars Simon carried me away. Six stitched was worth it, then to face Negan after that horrible incident. My luck with Negan has never been good. Gina's snickering caught my attention, I looked up at her.

"Now, girlie don't look so sad." Gina collected herself. "It turned out all right!" Gina was fixing new dishes for the saviors coming to lunch rush.

"Gina, I'm a stupid, awkward idiot!" I brought my knees to my chest, wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my face in my knees. I felt Gina pat me on top of my head.

"At least he called you cute." She said in a comforting manner. I smiled into my knees. Gina was right, Negan had called me cute! "How about this, why don't you call it a day: and I'll see you at the dinner rush." I looked up at her in surprise mouth falling open. I climbed to my feet.

"What? I can't leave you with this rush!" I said sweeping my arm out toward the near empty cafeteria. I scanned the area with disbelief. "Oh." Gina burst in to laughter and slapped me on the back.

"I'll be fine! Go and write! I know that's what you want to do anyway." I scanned Gina to see if she really was okay with me leaving. I returned my gaze to the cafeteria. The tables weren't as full as usual, and it was pretty slow; since most of the saviors were out. I noticed Negan and his group were nowhere in sight.

"Thanks Gee!" I squealed with excitement. I kissed her on the check before I ran to the back to get my backpack out of my cubby. I quickly made way out of the cafeteria, with a destination in mind. As I came up to the emergency exit stairwell, I made sure the cost was clear before slipping inside. Works were not allowed in this part of the building, and if I got caught I could get in big trouble. As I made my way up the stairs I couldn't help but wonder if I should finish the new fanfiction I had started of Negan. I know! I know! It was wrong for me to write such things for the leader of our community. I gave a depressed sigh. Sometimes I missed the internet. I missed my online friends. I miss staying up late chatting with people from all over the world. Hell, I was so starved for fanfiction, that I missed the fandoms. (Well, not the drama.) I wish I could send a picture of negan to my online community, they would have loved him.

I finally made it to my secret spot, it was the area near the door of the roof access. It was tucked in the corner where if someone came out of the fifth floor exit, they wouldn't see me! It was the best spot to write and if you wanted some peace and quiet. I settled against the wall pulling off my backpack and unzipped it. I opened it to find my composition book. I saw loose pens, three books from the library, a handmade sketchbook Gina's husband had made for me, my old smart phone that I now used as a music player, and head phones I had since before the end of the world. My heart begun to pound with panic. My composition book full of fanfiction of Negan was missing. I looked around where I sat just in case it fell out when I opened my backpack. I made a noise of panic in the back of my throat. I had to find that book! I closed my backpack, jumping to my feet running back to the kitchen.

I searched my cubby with shaking hands, nothing but recipe books and loose leaf paper. I tried to remember what I had done this morning. I moved toward the library, remembering I had free time before breakfast.

"Hank!" I shouted bursting through the library doors. Hank cried out and dropped the pile of books he had been holding. Hank was an older man, with brown hair and a stocky built. He had owned his own book store, and was the reason we had so many books. "Sorry! I left a note book here!" I huffed between breaths. I crouched down to help Hank pick up the books he had dropped. Hank thought for a second rubbing his chin.

"The one you're always writing in?" he asked. I nodded, -making small piles of books on the ground. He shook his head. "I saw you put in your backpack with the books you checked out this morning." I cursed silently. What if negan finds it!? My conscious screamed. I was on the verge of tears as I thanked him for his time and running out the library. I moved to the emergency exit stairwell and sat on the stairs. The hot tears of frustration already spilling.

"Kirstin found it! It's hilarious!" a voice echoed in the stairwell. "It has all these stories about Negan." The voice continued. My heart fell to my butt. I was so worried that Negan was going to find it when the worst person in the world had found it. I jumped to my feet and ran up the stair taking two at a time. I was a woman on a mission. Anger burned through me, I had enough of that bitch. I ran past the two woman on the stairwell, barely registering that it was two of Negan's wives. I entered the hallway and heard her voice. I stormed in to the Wives sanctuary. My eyes landed on Kirstin, she sat on one of the couches reading aloud from my book. Four other wives sat around her listening.

"You bitch!" I shouted surprising the women. Kirstin looked up at me a cruel smile on her face.

"Hello, Lardo. We were just enjoying your shit stories." She greeted me. I watched her close my notebook. My heart had skipped a beat at the nickname she had given me throughout our middle school/high school days. Glared at Kirstin, she looked she was dressed in a beautiful black dress her blonde long hair fell around her shoulders.

Kirstin Vander-Hill was a bully. She had made my middle/ high school experience hell. When I thought I was finally free from her after I graduated. She decided to follow me to the college I had been accepted into and copied me to do a dual major of creative writing and theater. She told anyone who would listen she was a natural born writer and actress. She was cruel, she humiliated me, degraded me and forced me to do her homework. I worked hard to graduate a year earlier then her and I was finally free from the wicked witch. I lived in bliss for three years and then the end of the world hit. Two years later I found myself returning to a zombie filled hometown with Gina and to my shock she was alive with her boyfriend at the time and others I had known growing up. When we were rescued she returned to her old self. I guess she realized she was going to live to an old age and bullied me whenever she had the chance.

"Give me back my notebook you—you—" I was so upset that insults were escaping my vocabulary. "Beef witted flap mouthed scallywag!" nailed it. Kirstin's eye twitched at the insult a few wives giggled.

"Look at you acting so tough." She stood up moving toward me. "Looking cute stuffed in those overalls." I took a sharp breath. I wasn't going to cry. I was going to stand my ground! fuck her!

"Fuck off you paunchy maggot pie! And give me my notebook!" I shouted holding out my hand. She sucked in a sharp breath. Her eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Do you have any fucking idea who I am?" she growled. Stand your ground. My conscious coached me. You can get your book back. I took a step up to her never losing eye contact. I was done, this was the last time I was going to let her boss me around.

"Yeah, you're the ill-breed rank slag that's gonna get her face clawed off!" I threatened. With a burst of courage I shoved her. She stumbled back her face contorting in rage.

"Go ahead and try fatty!" she came at me shoving with all her might and hooking her foot around my ankle. I cried out as I feel. Somehow I managed to spin and landed on hard on my knees and hands. However my face smashed in to something warm and covered in grey.

"Well, hell-fucking-lo to you too doll. But how about we move to a private setting if we wanna have a good fucking time?" A familiar voice sang down to me. I pulled away catching Negan's eyes. He winked at me. I realized I had fell head first in to his groin. Great we can add this to the list! I quickly rose to my feet. Simon and Arat stood behind Negan watching with wonder. "So Darling what are you doing up here?" I was lost for words. If I told him the truth he might get the book and read all those filthy things I wrote! On the other hand…if I don't answer. My gaze landed on Lucille.

"Oh Negan! I'm so glad you're here!" Kirstin breezed past me and went to hug Negan. She kissed him on the mouth I felt a stab of envy and jealousy in my gut. "This girl came running in saying I should read the story she wrote about you!" My eyes widen. Negan turned to me a smile on his face.

"No shit?" he asked. I stretched toward Kirstin trying grabbing at my book but she laughed and danced away. My foot caught the carpet and I crashed in to Negan, he wrapped an arm around my waist to steady me. Oh my gods he touching us! My conscious squealed. Dude right not the time I thought back. But was secretly pleased he was touching me.

"Don't be so shy Stephanie." She laughed. She opened my notebook and turned to a random page. "I found myself pinned against the wall, Negan's arms either side of me." Kirstin read that horrible smile on her face. Humiliation burned through me, tears pricking at my eyes. "He leaned down, lips inches from mine. His hand moved from the wall to my jeans. I couldn't help but moan as he cupped my mound-" I tore myself from negan and snatched the book from Kirstin's hands. A wanted to hurt her, but I decided to play her at her own game. I had a degree in theater and I was going to use it!

"You're reading it wrong!" I snarled opening the book and finding that passage. "Read it like this!" and I acted my heart out. I made my voice breathy during the love scenes, I even moaned a few times, and when the character climaxed I turned to Kirstin. "She sounds like this." And faked an orgasm, calling out Negan's name. (hey, I can't be the only one person in the world that wanted to be in plays right?") I snapped my notebook shut. And made a "what now bitch?" gesture. If looks could kill I would have been dead. Kirstin knew she had lost.

"Holy shit!" Simon's voice broke though the silent room. "Who knew Stephie had some fucking skills. That one hell of an imagination girl." Simon smiled at me, I felt my face burn with embarrassment. Arat raised her hand in a thumbs up. I couldn't look at Negan.

"I'll be damn!" Negan finally spoke up. "That was a fucking spectacle." Negan moved near me, he smelled cologne and leather. If I wasn't so embarrassed I would have swooned for him to be so near me. "Your story gave me some fucking ideas.' He wiggled his eyebrows at his wives. He leaned down his mouth near my ear. "And if I could fucking say, that performance got me fucking hard." I sucked in a breath and gawked at him. My heart was pounding a mile a minute. I honestly didn't know what to say to that. "Maybe you should stay and show me what you're capable of." Negan grinned at me, I clutched my book to my chest and found myself looking down at my shoes. Holy shit! Is he for real girl!? Climb him like a fucking tree! Kirstin snorted catching our attention.

"Really Negan! Someone like her!? She's a virgin!" My head snapped up. "My brother tried it with her and she cried!" Kirstin laughed. Tears burned through my eyes, my hands shook with anger. How dare she bring that up!

"Fuck you Kirstin! Your brother was a horrible person and I hope that every time he thinks of me he gets assed rape by demons with pitchforks!" I shouted. I spun to run out of the room when a sharp pain at my hair yanked me back. Fucking bitch grabbed our hair! Kick her in the head! My conscious yelled. I dropped my book in surprised and turned around clocking Kirstin in the throat with my fist. Something inside me snapped. She hunched over trying to catch her breath I grabbed her by her hair and tossed her to the ground. I swung my foot back and nailing her in the face. As she laid there unmoving I knew I fucked up.

I cried out in pain as my back hit the floor, Simon was on top of me, Knife to my neck. Simon as a sad look on his face.

"Sorry kid." He whispered. When I gave him a confused look. Negan came in to my view. Rage etched on his face.

"I'm sorry sweetness. But you know the fucking rules, that shit doesn't fucking fly here." We're going to die because of that vain miscreant lout. I couldn't help but laugh, in my situation it wasn't a good idea; but it was laughable. Negan stared at me with a look at disbelief. "You think this is some fucking joke?" he asked crouching down near my head.

"No, sir." I said giggling. I was surprised how normal I sounded, how loud my voice was and I wasn't mumbling. "It's just funny how all my life that pile of plastic surgery left overs walked all over me. I never did anything to her." I started to laugh again. It was as if my conscious took over my vocal cords. I couldn't stop." But here I am going to die, because I managed to finally fight back." I took a deep breath I was in hysterics. "Holy shit, my grandpa was right! The meek fail and the strong win, you now he always said that before he beat me and my cousin black and blue?" I continued to laugh my stomach already hurting. My laughter died down. I heard crying come from the middle of the room, in the corner of my eye I saw Kirstin sit up. I felt a relief that she was alive, I didn't want to be the reason a second Vander-Hill died. "I'm about to get my head so lovingly smashed in--" I took a deep breath. Trying hard not to cry but I could feel the tears starting to fall from my eyes. "By Lucille, while later tonight that haggard slag will be riding you like a drunk sailor on a tugboat." I stared at Negan, he stared back an unreadable look on his face. Negan stood up. I gave a small whimper. This was it. I was going to die.

"Let her up Simon." Negan finally spoke. Simon got off me, kneeling next to me. I sat up reaching up to touch the place the knife had dug into. Simon patted me on the back before standing up and moving behind Negan. I didn't move but stared up a Negan. "You're a good fucking cook. Too good to throw away. So honey I'll let you live, if and only if you apologize to Kirstin." I stood up quickly. He was fucking kidding right? There was no way in hell I was going to apologize to that bitch! I rather die. Negan stared at me and swung Lucille on to his shoulder. Scratch that. I took a deep breath and bit the inside of my cheek. I turned to Kirstin. I felt satisfaction roar through me seeing Kirstin with the side of her face swollen and her nose bleeding, not to mention the bruise forming on her throat.

"Kirstin," I started. I was trying so hard not to insult that bag of decomposing flesh. "I'm sorry you feel so inadequate that you have to bully people! I'm sorry that you're such a cunt!" with that I ran off. Nobody stopped me. Negan told me to apologized, but he didn't tell me what to apologize for. As I ran down the hall, I couldn't help but feel proud that I sort of stood up for myself. I knew there would be consequences but maybe I'll let future Stephanie deal with it.


End file.
